Inner Drill Sergeant: Grow up you worm! Get your lazy arse onto word and give me 1000 characters! NOW!
Inner Critic: (whispering) I'd stay on the internet if I was you... you know you'll only screw the essay up big time.
Inner Nanny: Aww, those weren't very nice things to say to yourself! You're clearly not very happy... maybe looking at nice things on the internet would be best right now.
Inner Total Bum: I'll work in a minute... just let me finish reading this... ooh, I wonder where that link goes...
Inner Political Crusader: Well, I was about to come off the internet, but then I found somebody being wrong. I am now positively entrenched in anger, and I feel that writing the offending person a billion page essay explaining why they're wrong is the only sensible course of action. Grrr.
Inner Suave Bellend: It's alright Louise, you've still got plenty of time to do that essay, why not stay online for a bit, Hmm? Come on, you know you want to...
Inner Jukebox: **begins singing the chorus of a Godawful song I haven't heard for years, over and over and over again**
Inner 'Maladaptive' Daydreaming: Hi Louise, it's only me... look, I know this is a bad time, but I got triggered unexpectedly by the word 'the', so I'm afraid it's no productivity for you for a least half an hour! Heeere we gooo.... la la la SHINY! :D
Inner Neurotic: But but but Personal Problems! We can't do any work until we've worked them all out!
Inner Idiot: I've got writers' block. Looks like you can't do that essay today. Sor-ee. :(
Inner Toddler: **after writing one word** This is boring, I wanna do something else. **starts to kick the metaphorical seat in front**
Inner Philosopher: Louise, your thinking is unfairly constricted by the techniques required in this essay. Therefore, I vote you don't do it for a while. You have far better uses of your time. Checking every blog you follow several times, for instance.
Inner Alice: Oh, this factual essay is so dreary... I would much rather read this book, all about a strange land quite unlike this miserable place.
Inner Perfectionist: No, don't phrase it that way, it sounds too informal! And that's the third time you've used 'the fact that' in three paragraphs. Not sure that that's proper usage of a semi colon, either. No, you don't need to delete that far! Come on, it's only grammar, what's the matter with you? Oh, and by the way, you aren't comparing thoroughly enough... ugh, I give up.
Inner Koala: Too... sleepy... can't... concentrate... zzzz
And all through it, the one sensible part of my brain, which probably has the patience of a saint by now, is like "Now, please, this essay really is quite important". Sometimes it wins. Usually though, it gives up, and no work gets done until Inner Clockwatcher springs up shouting "Louise, you have ten minutes to write this essay! Hurry up now, or else you'll be doomed!"
And then I write.
Yeah... I'll have this under control one day, I swear. :3
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Day 23: Your favourite artist of photographer?:
Well, I don't really take note of photographers, so I can't answer that one. Anne Stokes and Kirsi Salonen come to mind if I have to name favourite artists, although they aren't the only two whose paintings send me star-eyed. I'm a sucker for fantasy art in general. :3
Monday, 9 April 2012
Sunday, 8 April 2012
Oh Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now...
I'm getting tired of the atmosphere of misery surrounding disability. The way every neurodivergence is automatically labelled an 'illness' or 'disorder', even when its effects are, in and of themselves, neutral. The cold, clinical formality and scary statistics that dominate discussion about disability whilst erasing the lives of disabled people. The general lack of optimism, humour and positivity that permeates most websites, articles, television programmes, and organisations.
Unlike most other minority groups, disabled, mentally ill, or neuro-atypical teens aren't routinely told that things will get better, or that their lives and concerns are valid, or that it's OK to accept themselves as they are. When you read about disability, the dominant tone is all too often one of pessimism and shame.
So, let's get a couple of things straight: Difference isn't bad. Impairment doesn't have to be the end of the world. Mental Illness is often a perfectly natural response to trauma. Addressing problems is vital, but letting them take over helps nobody.
Oh, and here's a link to the BBC Ouch archives, because a post like this really needs an example of disability discourse done right.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Day 22: If you could attend any Goth Event, what would it be?:
While saying 'Whitby' and 'Treffen' is about as unoriginal as it's possible to be... Whitby and Treffen. XD
Unlike most other minority groups, disabled, mentally ill, or neuro-atypical teens aren't routinely told that things will get better, or that their lives and concerns are valid, or that it's OK to accept themselves as they are. When you read about disability, the dominant tone is all too often one of pessimism and shame.
So, let's get a couple of things straight: Difference isn't bad. Impairment doesn't have to be the end of the world. Mental Illness is often a perfectly natural response to trauma. Addressing problems is vital, but letting them take over helps nobody.
Oh, and here's a link to the BBC Ouch archives, because a post like this really needs an example of disability discourse done right.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Day 22: If you could attend any Goth Event, what would it be?:
While saying 'Whitby' and 'Treffen' is about as unoriginal as it's possible to be... Whitby and Treffen. XD
Monday, 13 February 2012
Not quite an explanation
Yet again, my self-set Auschwitz post deadline has been missed, and none of the three or four posts I've started to write in the past couple of months have been completed.
Yeah.
Um...
I won't bore anybody with the details. Just suffice to say that everything's gone a bit bonkers recently, and while it's nothing I can't deal with, it has been putting the brakes on productivity.
I'll be back as soon as I can, which might be tomorrow, might be several months, hopefully with this post which WILL get finished sooner or later, even if it takes me most of the next decade.
In the meantime... have a baby bat :D
Yeah.
Um...
I won't bore anybody with the details. Just suffice to say that everything's gone a bit bonkers recently, and while it's nothing I can't deal with, it has been putting the brakes on productivity.
I'll be back as soon as I can, which might be tomorrow, might be several months, hopefully with this post which WILL get finished sooner or later, even if it takes me most of the next decade.
In the meantime... have a baby bat :D
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Bad Blogger
Seeing as getting the Auschwitz posts written and out on time has turned out to be a total pain in the arse, I've decided to post them together on Auschwitz Memorial Day instead. There are no excuses, I'm sorry, feel free to pelt me with rotten lettuce.
So... things that have happened... well, I've had a poem published, which is nice; and I have an interview with the Samaritans on the 10th of January (although I have been warned that they often prefer volunteers to be 30+, so... we'll see). Also, according to three-year-old-cousin logic, I'm a digger. Thanks, Bradley. XD
Then there was 5:30ish today, when I came out as Ace to my Mum. I didn't plan to, but while the conversation was on a certain subject she asked me if I was a lesbian (which I'm not), and I just sort of... told her. I think everything's OK, though, which is good. She gave me the old "It might just be a phase", and made a semi-jokey comment about Grandchildren, but it could have been far worse.
Well, that's pretty much everything. Have a happy New Year :)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Day 21: What body mod do you have or have you considered?:
I have five piercings at the moment two in each ear and one nose. I did get a labret done when I was sixteen, but found it immensely irritating and took the bloody thing out after less than a day, which probably says a lot about me and my patience, sad to say. I've since concluded that I don't want any bits of metal in my mouth again, although a vertical labret isn't completely out of the question. The only other piercings I've considered are nape of the neck (although I'd imagine caring for that would be very difficult, especially seeing as I have long hair), and top of the ear (but I've decided to stick to wearing ear cuffs for the time being, which I personally think are nicer).
Tattoos wise... the only one I'm pretty sure I want is... well, the idea I have in my head is of a partial tattoo sleeve, ending a fair distance from my wrist so it can be covered if necessary, made up of little shooting stars in green, blue, purple and grey. I have briefly considered a few others, mainly fandom tattoos or ideological symbols, but right now I have no real plans to go ahead with any of them.
Saturday, 26 November 2011
Asexuality and enthusiastic consent
I have started my Auschwitz two blog, so it's coming, I'm just taking some time out to briefly get on my soapbox about somthing that really, really annoys me.
The current definition of 'enthusiastic consent' (That when it comes to sex, yes should mean "YES!" as opposed to "not no") does indeed exclude asexual people, but so many people are fighting that from the wrong angle. The point you should be making is "Hey! There's more then one reason why someone might really, truly want to have sex! For instance, they may not be particularly into sex, but they really want to make their partner's day! Or maybe they don't like sex much, but genuinely want it because they really want a baby!"
That is, "Hey! There's more then one reason why someone might really, truly, honestly, genuinely want to have sex!"
Not "Hey! Sometimes people have to have sex they don't want, because otherwise their partner will leave them!"
That is just screwed up, and shouldn't be defended. If someone is having sex they don't want because they love their partner sooo much and don't want to lose him/her; or because they're in a relationship and sex is what adults do in relationships, so they'd better toughen up and get on with it... it's wrong.
It's understandable and human, sure, but it's also wrong.
Nobody should feel pressured into having sex they don't want. That applies to asexual people too. Nobody in the world has an orientation that makes it OK to tell hem that they really should consider having sex sometimes if they want a relationship.
I have seen threads on AVEN containing tactics designed to make sex bearable for aces who find it disgusting, painful, embarassing, or otherwise difficult. This is not, repeat not, OK.
I'm ace, and I agree with enthusiastic consent. It may need it's boundaries shifting slightly, but fundamentally it's a very good- no, very necessary idea, and one that I will defend.
As an important sideline... there is a difference between an asexual person who doesn't mind sex having it from time to time to please their partner; and a sex-aversive asexual person having sex they hate in order to placate their partner. One of these is perfectly OK. One of these is not. And it's time people realised that.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Eurgh... it feels a bit weird doing one of these after that rant, but here goes. XD
Day 20: If you could dye your hair any colour, what colour would it be?:
Right from when I was ten or so years old, I wanted completely blue hair. It never quite happened, but I'm fine with that.
Well, OK, I would like to have hair that was 100% blue or green, but I've also long accepted that that isn't happening. I have too much hair, for one thing- it's incredibly thick, almost waist length, and I'm planning on growing it even longer. Blue and Green wash out quite quickly, and I'd never be able to afford the amount of hair dye needed to keep it all fully topped up. I'm also pretty wary of bleaching my entire head, for reasons that may be silly or may be sensible.
So right now, I have the next best thing. Most of my hair is dyed black, apart from a couple of strips at the very front, which are bleached and usually dyed blue, green, or both. I'd quite like to make those strips a bit thicker, but then again, growing them out until they're the same length as the rest of my hair (they're currently shorter) would probably do the trick just as well.
The current definition of 'enthusiastic consent' (That when it comes to sex, yes should mean "YES!" as opposed to "not no") does indeed exclude asexual people, but so many people are fighting that from the wrong angle. The point you should be making is "Hey! There's more then one reason why someone might really, truly want to have sex! For instance, they may not be particularly into sex, but they really want to make their partner's day! Or maybe they don't like sex much, but genuinely want it because they really want a baby!"
That is, "Hey! There's more then one reason why someone might really, truly, honestly, genuinely want to have sex!"
Not "Hey! Sometimes people have to have sex they don't want, because otherwise their partner will leave them!"
That is just screwed up, and shouldn't be defended. If someone is having sex they don't want because they love their partner sooo much and don't want to lose him/her; or because they're in a relationship and sex is what adults do in relationships, so they'd better toughen up and get on with it... it's wrong.
It's understandable and human, sure, but it's also wrong.
Nobody should feel pressured into having sex they don't want. That applies to asexual people too. Nobody in the world has an orientation that makes it OK to tell hem that they really should consider having sex sometimes if they want a relationship.
I have seen threads on AVEN containing tactics designed to make sex bearable for aces who find it disgusting, painful, embarassing, or otherwise difficult. This is not, repeat not, OK.
I'm ace, and I agree with enthusiastic consent. It may need it's boundaries shifting slightly, but fundamentally it's a very good- no, very necessary idea, and one that I will defend.
As an important sideline... there is a difference between an asexual person who doesn't mind sex having it from time to time to please their partner; and a sex-aversive asexual person having sex they hate in order to placate their partner. One of these is perfectly OK. One of these is not. And it's time people realised that.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Eurgh... it feels a bit weird doing one of these after that rant, but here goes. XD
Day 20: If you could dye your hair any colour, what colour would it be?:
Right from when I was ten or so years old, I wanted completely blue hair. It never quite happened, but I'm fine with that.
Well, OK, I would like to have hair that was 100% blue or green, but I've also long accepted that that isn't happening. I have too much hair, for one thing- it's incredibly thick, almost waist length, and I'm planning on growing it even longer. Blue and Green wash out quite quickly, and I'd never be able to afford the amount of hair dye needed to keep it all fully topped up. I'm also pretty wary of bleaching my entire head, for reasons that may be silly or may be sensible.
So right now, I have the next best thing. Most of my hair is dyed black, apart from a couple of strips at the very front, which are bleached and usually dyed blue, green, or both. I'd quite like to make those strips a bit thicker, but then again, growing them out until they're the same length as the rest of my hair (they're currently shorter) would probably do the trick just as well.
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Mainstream Nightclub
The Friday before last, I went to a mainstream nightclub.
(Yeah, you can tell I've been meaning to blog about this for a while).
It was called Reflex, it played a mix of popular music from the 80's and 90's (some of which I liked, most of which I did not), there were mirror balls everywhere and a poledancing pole stuck off to one side. I went in because the group I was with at the time did.
At first I just felt awkward and self-conscious. It always is awkward, when you walk in somewhere and instantly feel out of place, especially if you're also slightly drunk and not feeling mentally at your best. I hung back, stayed glued firmly to the main body of the group, didn't go near the bar, and ducked away in a panic when the photographer turned up (which probably now means there's a photo containing six happy people and a mysterious disembodied leg just visible at the back). I did dance a bit, once or twice... when one of my friends grabbed my hands and started "doing the awkward shuffle", leaving me with no option.
Then my head cleared a bit, and I started to acclimatise, and I realised I had a choice. Either I could hang around at the back all evening with a face like a wet Wednesday, or I could try to join in.
Helped by the sudden appearance of a Dead or Alive song I actually quite like, I started dancing and jumping on my own. At first just to decent songs, then to all songs bar the worst. Random dance chains and spontaneous group hugs ensued. About two people kept going back to the bar for huge Jagermeisters with multiple straws, and everyone else rushed to use the extra straws to 'help' them finish their drink the very second they got back.
Within an hour I'd been on the pole. When everyone else in your group has been badgered into having a go on the thing by the metalhead (who liked the music least but was more enthusiastic than everyone else put together), your inner four year old just takes over and all you can think is how you wanna turn too. I wasn't especially elegant- I tripped over my own feet at least once- but that didn't matter. It was OK to look silly.
I had fun. I actually did. No, it wasn't my kind of place, but if you have to be somewhere that isn't 'you', being a good sport, sticking your tongue firmly in your cheek, and making the most of it is definitely the best thing you can do.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Day 19: Share beauty advice and take a photo of your make up:
**Bursts out laughing at the idea of me, someone who relates all too well to Katharine Whitehorn's Sluts I article, giving people beauty advice**
Anyway... to begin with, here's a photo of my eye makeup on the day I happened to remember that this question needed a photo. This was a college morning, I think I'd overslept slightly, and I didn't have time to do anything flashy, so it's pretty basic. And the lighting's not great, because I'm really no photographer. As for what I used... pencil eyeliner to do the basic outline around my eye, liquid eyeliner to draw the line, and plain 'glittery neutral' eyeshadow, which I applied to my eyelid then smudged around a bit.
So... beauty advice. I don't have much of it. I'm the sort of person who goes to sleep in their fiundation on a regular basis because I'm too tired to take it off. When it comes to makeup my general tactics are "play around with it a bit until you find something that looks decent". Nonethless, I'll try.
First, I'll buck the trend slightly, and say that it doesn't matter if your makeup isn't perfect. Obviously it's good to get it perfectly symmetrical and non-smudged, but it's really not the end of the world if it's not. Also, if you make a mistake whilst applying eyeliner, or find that you just can't get that bit right... improvise. Incorporate the mistake in, or change the design on the problem eye and be asymmetrical for the day.
If you like an eyeliner design... feel free to use it, even if it's cliched. I personally find tear dribbles absolutely awful and have no idea why anyone would want to look like they've been crying, but at the same time, I understand that that's just my opinion. If you like tear dribbles, feel free to draw them on, and then tell me to go and do something unpleasant involving a porcupine. I'm not much better, anyway, with the cheesy little curliques I occasionally doodle around my eyes.
Umm...
Ah, yes. This is probably a bit Captain Obvious, but if your hair dye is prone to bleeding, washing your hair gently, and in cold water rather than hot, will reduce the problem a lot. Oh, and bleach is good for removing hair dye stains from the bathroom door/tiles/sink/floor/wall.
... and, yeah. That's pretty much all I have.
(Yeah, you can tell I've been meaning to blog about this for a while).
It was called Reflex, it played a mix of popular music from the 80's and 90's (some of which I liked, most of which I did not), there were mirror balls everywhere and a poledancing pole stuck off to one side. I went in because the group I was with at the time did.
At first I just felt awkward and self-conscious. It always is awkward, when you walk in somewhere and instantly feel out of place, especially if you're also slightly drunk and not feeling mentally at your best. I hung back, stayed glued firmly to the main body of the group, didn't go near the bar, and ducked away in a panic when the photographer turned up (which probably now means there's a photo containing six happy people and a mysterious disembodied leg just visible at the back). I did dance a bit, once or twice... when one of my friends grabbed my hands and started "doing the awkward shuffle", leaving me with no option.
Then my head cleared a bit, and I started to acclimatise, and I realised I had a choice. Either I could hang around at the back all evening with a face like a wet Wednesday, or I could try to join in.
Helped by the sudden appearance of a Dead or Alive song I actually quite like, I started dancing and jumping on my own. At first just to decent songs, then to all songs bar the worst. Random dance chains and spontaneous group hugs ensued. About two people kept going back to the bar for huge Jagermeisters with multiple straws, and everyone else rushed to use the extra straws to 'help' them finish their drink the very second they got back.
Within an hour I'd been on the pole. When everyone else in your group has been badgered into having a go on the thing by the metalhead (who liked the music least but was more enthusiastic than everyone else put together), your inner four year old just takes over and all you can think is how you wanna turn too. I wasn't especially elegant- I tripped over my own feet at least once- but that didn't matter. It was OK to look silly.
I had fun. I actually did. No, it wasn't my kind of place, but if you have to be somewhere that isn't 'you', being a good sport, sticking your tongue firmly in your cheek, and making the most of it is definitely the best thing you can do.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Day 19: Share beauty advice and take a photo of your make up:
**Bursts out laughing at the idea of me, someone who relates all too well to Katharine Whitehorn's Sluts I article, giving people beauty advice**
Anyway... to begin with, here's a photo of my eye makeup on the day I happened to remember that this question needed a photo. This was a college morning, I think I'd overslept slightly, and I didn't have time to do anything flashy, so it's pretty basic. And the lighting's not great, because I'm really no photographer. As for what I used... pencil eyeliner to do the basic outline around my eye, liquid eyeliner to draw the line, and plain 'glittery neutral' eyeshadow, which I applied to my eyelid then smudged around a bit.
So... beauty advice. I don't have much of it. I'm the sort of person who goes to sleep in their fiundation on a regular basis because I'm too tired to take it off. When it comes to makeup my general tactics are "play around with it a bit until you find something that looks decent". Nonethless, I'll try.
First, I'll buck the trend slightly, and say that it doesn't matter if your makeup isn't perfect. Obviously it's good to get it perfectly symmetrical and non-smudged, but it's really not the end of the world if it's not. Also, if you make a mistake whilst applying eyeliner, or find that you just can't get that bit right... improvise. Incorporate the mistake in, or change the design on the problem eye and be asymmetrical for the day.
If you like an eyeliner design... feel free to use it, even if it's cliched. I personally find tear dribbles absolutely awful and have no idea why anyone would want to look like they've been crying, but at the same time, I understand that that's just my opinion. If you like tear dribbles, feel free to draw them on, and then tell me to go and do something unpleasant involving a porcupine. I'm not much better, anyway, with the cheesy little curliques I occasionally doodle around my eyes.
Umm...
Ah, yes. This is probably a bit Captain Obvious, but if your hair dye is prone to bleeding, washing your hair gently, and in cold water rather than hot, will reduce the problem a lot. Oh, and bleach is good for removing hair dye stains from the bathroom door/tiles/sink/floor/wall.
... and, yeah. That's pretty much all I have.
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
Confessions of a Procrastinator
Good news: I'm alive!
Bad news: Auschwitz 2- the monolith was meant to be up two days ago, and I have a half finished light hearted post that should have been up by the start of last week.
So, why aren't they?
Because I'm up to my eyeballs in Extended Project.
No, seriously. This is the 5000 word essay we were, in theory, supposed to start in January. For a multitude of reasons, some within my control, some not, I didn't start until the end of July.
I meant to use the Summer holidays to catch up with everyone else.
I didn't.
There are many things I can blame for this. Some of them are quite depressing, so for the sakes of this post I'll point the finger at Thatguywiththeglasses.com and leave it there.
Now there's a fortnight to go before the final deadline and I've only written about 1000 words of my first draft. I should be nearly done by now, but I've got a way to go, and I'm starting to realise the next two weeks might consist of me working like a machine (possibly a slightly faulty one that gets stuck and crashes from time to time, mind you) for a few hours every day after college.
So, blogging is well and truly on the back burner for a bit, which is a bit of a bugger as I was planning to up my post count this month. I do have a day off on Thursday, though, so provided I decide to stay at home (well, my Dad's, which is where I am this week), I might be able to get my delayed posts up then, although one of them may as well be ancient history by that time. XD
No question today either. I would if the next one was a few-sentences thing, but it requires a photo and I'll need a few paragraphs to get across what I want to say, so... yeah. Not now.
Anyway, I'll be back... when I'm back, I suppose, which will hopefully be really soon. In the meantime, I'll let the spiders squat here for a while; they can put back all the nice cobwebs I so cruelly brushed away back in August.
Bad news: Auschwitz 2- the monolith was meant to be up two days ago, and I have a half finished light hearted post that should have been up by the start of last week.
So, why aren't they?
Because I'm up to my eyeballs in Extended Project.
No, seriously. This is the 5000 word essay we were, in theory, supposed to start in January. For a multitude of reasons, some within my control, some not, I didn't start until the end of July.
I meant to use the Summer holidays to catch up with everyone else.
I didn't.
There are many things I can blame for this. Some of them are quite depressing, so for the sakes of this post I'll point the finger at Thatguywiththeglasses.com and leave it there.
Now there's a fortnight to go before the final deadline and I've only written about 1000 words of my first draft. I should be nearly done by now, but I've got a way to go, and I'm starting to realise the next two weeks might consist of me working like a machine (possibly a slightly faulty one that gets stuck and crashes from time to time, mind you) for a few hours every day after college.
So, blogging is well and truly on the back burner for a bit, which is a bit of a bugger as I was planning to up my post count this month. I do have a day off on Thursday, though, so provided I decide to stay at home (well, my Dad's, which is where I am this week), I might be able to get my delayed posts up then, although one of them may as well be ancient history by that time. XD
No question today either. I would if the next one was a few-sentences thing, but it requires a photo and I'll need a few paragraphs to get across what I want to say, so... yeah. Not now.
Anyway, I'll be back... when I'm back, I suppose, which will hopefully be really soon. In the meantime, I'll let the spiders squat here for a while; they can put back all the nice cobwebs I so cruelly brushed away back in August.
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