Saturday, 26 November 2011

Asexuality and enthusiastic consent

I have started my Auschwitz two blog, so it's coming, I'm just taking some time out to briefly get on my soapbox about somthing that really, really annoys me.

The current definition of 'enthusiastic consent' (That when it comes to sex, yes should mean "YES!" as opposed to "not no") does indeed exclude asexual people, but so many people are fighting that from the wrong angle. The point you should be making is "Hey! There's more then one reason why someone might really, truly want to have sex! For instance, they may not be particularly into sex, but they really want to make their partner's day! Or maybe they don't like sex much, but genuinely want it because they really want a baby!"

That is, "Hey! There's more then one reason why someone might really, truly, honestly, genuinely want to have sex!"

Not "Hey! Sometimes people have to have sex they don't want, because otherwise their partner will leave them!"

That is just screwed up, and shouldn't be defended. If someone is having sex they don't want because they love their partner sooo much and don't want to lose him/her; or because they're in a relationship and sex is what adults do in relationships, so they'd better toughen up and get on with it... it's wrong. 

It's understandable and human, sure, but it's also wrong. 

Nobody should feel pressured into having sex they don't want. That applies to asexual people too. Nobody in the world has an orientation that makes it OK to tell hem that they really should consider having sex sometimes if they want a relationship.

I have seen threads on AVEN containing tactics designed to make sex bearable for aces who find it disgusting, painful, embarassing, or otherwise difficult. This is not, repeat not, OK.

I'm ace, and I agree with enthusiastic consent. It may need it's boundaries shifting slightly, but fundamentally it's a very good- no, very necessary idea, and one that I will defend.

As an important sideline... there is a difference between an asexual person who doesn't mind sex having it from time to time to please their partner; and a sex-aversive asexual person having sex they hate in order to placate their partner. One of these is perfectly OK. One of these is not. And it's time people realised that.

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Eurgh... it feels a bit weird doing one of these after that rant, but here goes. XD

Day 20: If you could dye your hair any colour, what colour would it be?:

Right from when I was ten or so years old, I wanted completely blue hair. It never quite happened, but I'm fine with that.

Well, OK, I would like to have hair that was 100% blue or green, but I've also long accepted that that isn't happening. I have too much hair, for one thing- it's incredibly thick, almost waist length, and I'm planning on growing it even longer. Blue and Green wash out quite quickly, and I'd never be able to afford the amount of hair dye needed to keep it all fully topped up. I'm also pretty wary of bleaching my entire head, for reasons that may be silly or may be sensible.

So right now, I have the next best thing. Most of my hair is dyed black, apart from a couple of strips at the very front, which are bleached and usually dyed blue, green, or both. I'd quite like to make those strips a bit thicker, but then again, growing them out until they're the same length as the rest of my hair (they're currently shorter) would probably do the trick just as well.

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